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When Leadership Dreams Don’t Match Your Reality: How to Stay Resilient and Create Meaningful Change

Writer's picture: Liza EngelLiza Engel

We’ve all been there—working toward something we thought would fulfil us, only to find reality falling short of the dream.


Maybe you thought climbing the corporate ladder would allow you to make a meaningful impact, inspire others, or create a better workplace. But along the way, you encountered systems and dynamics that didn’t align with your vision.


For me, one of those moments came when a colleague jokingly referred to me as “Miss Moneypenny.”


At first, I laughed it off. But as with every joke, there was truth in it. It wasn’t about my ability to solve problems or build connections—it was about my budget responsibility. My leadership had been reduced to financial control, which wasn’t how I saw myself or my role.


This moment sparked deeper reflection. I realized this wasn’t just about me but about how systems often distort leadership. When reality doesn’t match your dreams, it’s not a dead end—it’s an invitation to reframe your thinking and find alignment between who you are and the system you’re operating in.


This story is about navigating that gap and the lessons I’ve learned about resilience, systems, and meaningful influence.


The Moment It All Changed


I believed people supported my ideas because they genuinely shared my vision. I assumed their enthusiasm was rooted in shared purpose. But one day, a colleague revealed something that reshaped how I saw leadership: their support wasn’t about my vision but their career goals.


At first, I felt unsettled. But as I reflected, I realized this wasn’t a betrayal but an honest reflection of the system they were navigating.

People’s behavior is often shaped more by their environment than their intentions.

That realization became a gift. It taught me that leadership isn’t about convincing others to follow you. It’s about aligning motivations and aspirations with a shared purpose. When we create space for honest conversations about what drives people—professionally and personally—we build trust and deeper connections.


The key lesson is to not assume alignment—ask, listen, and connect.


Systems Shape Behavior


This moment also taught me that support, resistance, and even indifference are rarely personal—they’re shaped by the systems in which people operate.


Resilience in leadership isn’t about blaming the system or the individuals within it. It’s about understanding the forces driving behavior and focusing on what you can influence. This shift in perspective freed me to stop taking things personally and start focusing on the bigger picture.


In systems designed with a shared purpose—like those found in Teal organizations—people can move beyond transactional relationships and create transformational ones.


What Are Teal Organizations?


Teal organizations operate on three core principles: self-management, wholeness, and evolutionary purpose. They encourage decentralized decision-making, where individuals take responsibility for their work. They also emphasize bringing your whole self—creativity, individuality, and emotions—to work. Evolutionary purpose ensures the organization grows as a living system, adapting to its environment and fostering meaningful connections.


Resilience and Focus


One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that resilience in leadership isn’t about pushing through at all costs—it’s about knowing where to focus your energy.


Here’s how to stay focused and resilient:

  1. Understand the System First: Before reacting to resistance or celebrating support, step back and analyze the environment shaping behavior. What does the system reward or discourage?

  2. Focus Where You Can Make the Greatest Impact: Not every challenge is worth your energy. Ask: Where can I create meaningful change?

  3. Let Go of What You Can’t Change: You can’t fix everything at once, and that’s okay. Let go of what’s beyond your control to focus on what truly matters.


These steps have helped me navigate complexity with greater clarity and purpose.


Photo by Liza Engel
Photo by Liza Engel

Key Takeaways


You're not alone if you’ve ever felt disillusioned by the gap between your leadership dreams and reality. Here’s how to reframe and refocus:

  1. See Beyond the Surface: Don’t take behaviors at face value. Look deeper to understand the systems influencing them.

  2. Have Honest Conversations About Aspirations: Take the time to understand what drives those you work with—professionally and personally. These conversations build trust and foster alignment.

  3. Focus Your Energy Wisely: Know where to create the most impact, and let go of battles that drain your energy.


Reflect and Act


  • Have you experienced a moment when leadership didn’t match your dreams?

  • How can you adjust your perspective to align your aspirations with your current reality?

  • What systems shape the behaviors of those around you?

  • How can you create space for honest, purpose-driven conversations?


The answers to these questions hold the key to resilience and the ability to shape thriving systems.


Closing Thought


Leadership isn’t just a ladder to climb—it’s about building meaningful connections and staying resilient when reality doesn’t match the dream. It’s an opportunity to listen, adapt, and create environments where individuals and organizations flourish.


When your dreams don’t match reality, remember: that’s where learning and growth begin. And as a leader, it’s in those moments that your story becomes one worth telling.

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