Today would have been my father’s 83rd birthday. Nearly a decade has passed since he left this earth, yet his presence remains—not in the things he left behind, but in the lessons he taught me.
My Dad never spoke about resilience, but he lived it. When he was diagnosed with cancer, he didn’t resist what he couldn’t control—he focused on what he could: family, friends, and living fully in the time he had left. At one point, his doctor gave him six weeks. He lived for three more years.
I often wonder how he did it. Was it sheer willpower? Denial? Or did he understand something many of us struggle with—that resilience isn’t about gripping tighter but knowing when to adapt or even let go?
I think about that even more as I reflect on his final moments. I was on the phone with his doctors, about to decide for him—whether or not to go ahead with surgery for a brain tumor. But before I could, he made the decision himself. He let go. He chose his way in his own time. As I heard the final beep of the machines through the phone, I realized that letting go is not just something we do—it’s something life and sometimes even the people we love decide for us.
We’re taught that resilience means perseverance and pushing through no matter what. But true resilience is knowing when to release—to make space for growth, healing, and what’s next.
Yet, letting go is one of the hardest things to do. Why? The stories we tell ourselves—about success, identity, and control—keep us holding on, even when it’s time to move forward.
Why Letting Go Feels So Hard
Letting go isn’t just an emotional struggle—it’s a neurological one. Our brains are wired to form attachments, whether to people, careers, or beliefs. Releasing them feels like a loss because, in many ways, it is. But holding on too long can cost us far more.
1. The Brain’s Resistance to Loss
Neuroscience shows that letting go activates the same pain centers in the brain as physical injury. This is why heartbreak, job loss, or a significant life change can feel overwhelming—your brain registers it as pain.
But pain doesn’t always signal something is wrong. Sometimes, it signals that something is changing.
Resilience isn’t about avoiding pain—it’s about moving through pain and learning from it.
2. The Stories We Tell Ourselves About Identity
We don’t just have roles—we become them. Our careers, relationships, and beliefs shape our sense of self. Walking away often makes us confront a difficult question: Who am I without this?
This is why leaders stay in roles they’ve outgrown, professionals resist changing direction, and individuals struggle to release long-held beliefs. Letting go can feel like losing a part of ourselves.
Resilience isn’t just about persistence—it’s about evolving with intention.
3. The Illusion of Control
We hold on because it makes us feel like we’re in control. We tell ourselves that if we work harder, stay longer, or endure more, things will turn out how we want them to. But control is often an illusion.
My father understood this. He didn’t waste his final years trying to control the uncontrollable. Instead, he focused on what mattered—who he spent time with, what he left behind, and how he chose to live.
And in his final moments, he made the last decision himself. He let go so I wouldn’t have to.
Resilience isn’t about controlling every outcome but adapting when life changes the plan.
The Power of Making Space
Letting go isn’t just about loss—it’s about choosing what stays.
Letting go of outdated beliefs makes space for new insights.
Letting go of a job, a project or a relationship that no longer fits makes space for something that aligns with who you are now.
Letting go of control makes space for possibilities you hadn’t considered.
I saw this firsthand after my father passed. Sorting through his belongings, I had two days to decide what to take. In that process, I realized something: we don’t hold onto things—we hold onto their meaning.
That part was rather easy. The hard part? Letting go of what I couldn’t change. Accepting that grief has no timeline. Trusting that what truly mattered would always stay with me. And understanding that, just like my father, I have the power to decide how I move forward.
Reflection: What are you holding onto that no longer serves you? What could open up if you made space for something new?
The Leadership Resilience of Letting Go
Leaders often measure resilience by how much they can handle—how long they can keep going and how much pressure they can absorb. But the strongest leaders are those who also know when it’s time to let go.
Questions for Reflection:
Am I holding onto something that is potentially holding me back?
Is my attachment to a role, identity, or belief limiting my growth?
What could change if I made space for something new?
Letting go is never easy. It’s uncomfortable and even painful. However, growth, clarity, and momentum are often on the other side of discomfort.
My father’s stories live on through me—not because I held onto everything he owned or held on to what once was, but because I carried forward what mattered most.
So, if resilience isn’t just about holding on, maybe it’s about accepting an evolution. My father’s greatest gift to me was the freedom to go my own way. Maybe after a decade, I can accept that he went his own way and find strength in that.
The stories we carry forward shape who we become. May you find the clarity, courage, and wisdom to recognize when the right moment to let go or move forward arrives.
Comments