Mind the Pause: The Art of Saying Less and Leading More
- Liza Engel
- Aug 18
- 3 min read
I had to bite my tongue.
Every part of me wanted to jump in. Someone was sharing a complex problem I had faced before, and my instinct was to say, “Here’s exactly what you should do.” I had the answer ready, packaged, and on the tip of my tongue.
But something in me whispered, “Let THEM find the solution.”
So instead, I asked a question, then another, and another. I waited and listened, and it was hard — my inner voice screamed to fill the silence.
By the end of our conversation, something surprising happened: they found their solution. And the joy on their face was incredible! They left with clarity, energy, and confidence, which I don’t usually see when I answer outright with a solution. Later, they told me how much they appreciated my “support.” The irony? And all I did was ask questions.
That day, I was reminded again that the pause in conversation, and on stage, is more than silence. It’s a powerful act of leadership.
Why Leaders Struggle to Pause
If you’re like me, you’ve built your career on ideas, solutions, and fast thinking. You’ve been rewarded for speaking up, being decisive, and “adding value” in every room.
But here’s the problem: the more we speak, the less space we leave for others to step in.
Our two most significant hurdles as leaders are:
Our concept of time — believing we must respond instantly.
Our perspective on importance — thinking our contribution is the most valuable in the moment.
Pausing challenges both. It asks us to trust the people in front of us — our team, a negotiation partner, or an audience — to find their way forward.
The Power of the Pause in Leadership and Storytelling
In leadership conversations, a pause shows you’re genuinely listening. It allows others to think, reflect, and commit to their solutions. People own what they create, not what they’re told.
On stage or in presentations: Pausing allows your message to land. It builds anticipation and draws your audience in. Silence can speak louder than words when it’s intentional.
The Pause Loop: A Simple Coaching Framework
If you want to turn pausing into a leadership habit, try this five-step loop:
Notice – Catch yourself when you want to speak immediately.
Breathe – One slow, deliberate breath before you respond.
Ask – Use one open-ended question to deepen the conversation.
Wait – Hold the silence long enough for the other person to fill it.
Reflect – After the conversation, ask yourself: What shifted because I paused?
Pro tip: Practice this in low-pressure conversations — a team check-in, a casual coffee — before trying it in high-stakes meetings or presentations.
Two Ways to Practice the Pause This Week
In a conversation: Choose one upcoming meeting where you commit to speaking 50% less than you usually do. Focus on asking open-ended questions and holding space for answers.
On stage or in a presentation: Script intentional pauses after key points. Count to three in your head before moving on. Notice how your audience leans in.
The Leadership Lesson
Pausing isn’t about withholding value. It’s about creating space for others to contribute theirs.
In a world that rewards speed, the pause is an act of courage. It tells your team or audience, “I trust you to think, solve, and lead.”
And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say as a leader… is nothing at all.
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